ode to congratulations
Why do we say congratulations when people get pregnant or give birth?
Congratulations on having sex? The odds of you having little swimmers? Fertile eggs? Your sperm and eggs meeting and sticking to each other like glue while floating down and uniting as one to form a fetus which makes you have hemorrhoids, pee all the time, eat the same bizarre cravings just to vomit them up, not have champagne for nine months in celebration of said insides uniting to get fat and you can only sleep on one side and then painfully push a watermelon out of your vaginal opening whilst howling in utter pain as it feels like the worst bowel movement you've ever nightmared of in all your existence to date?
Congratulations on having sex? The odds of you having little swimmers? Fertile eggs? Your sperm and eggs meeting and sticking to each other like glue while floating down and uniting as one to form a fetus which makes you have hemorrhoids, pee all the time, eat the same bizarre cravings just to vomit them up, not have champagne for nine months in celebration of said insides uniting to get fat and you can only sleep on one side and then painfully push a watermelon out of your vaginal opening whilst howling in utter pain as it feels like the worst bowel movement you've ever nightmared of in all your existence to date?
Who's the genius who coined "congratulations", anyway? If I were to ever meet this person, I'd have to say, hey! Congratulations on coming up with a great way to positively reinforce a natural phenomena, genius! Why don't we then say congratulations when you get the flu or chicken pox in celebration of building up your immunity? Or congratulations on losing your job to open yourself up for a new and different opportunity? Or congratulations on your miscarriage cause three months following you discovered your husband was having a torrid affair with your neighbor anyway and now you haven't the baggage to move on and move forward in finding a new love?
So, instead of congratulations, why dont we simply say, good luck?
So, instead of congratulations, why dont we simply say, good luck?
Ha ha..congratulations to me for having sex...congratulations to Rob for having active swimmers! I love it. You are brilliant and I say congratulations to me for reading you
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